Why Doing Things Together Feels So Good

How mimesis amplifies our natural motivation—to connect, create, and compete

Ever notice that some of the happiest moments in life happen with other people—singing in a choir, dancing at a festival, playing sport, or learning together? These are activities that we could easily do alone, but they somehow feel richer, more alive, more meaningful in a group. Neuroscience and psychology now give us a compelling reason for why: when humans come together, our brains sync, and a process called mimesis kicks in.

The three engines of motivation

According to the AIM Motivation Framework developed by Yule Guttenbeil, all human behavior is powered by three sources:

Appetites (A): our basic physical needs such as hunger, rest, and warmth.
Intrinsic motivation (I): the inner drive to do something for its own sake—for curiosity, pleasure, or learning.
Mimetic desire (M): our tendency to absorb wants and feelings from others by observing and mirroring them.

Intrinsic motivation gives rise to hobbies and passions that feel “totally ours.” You paint, dance, garden, or study not for praise but because the doing itself feels deeply satisfying. Mimetic desire, however, is what makes you suddenly want a new gadget, career, or lifestyle after seeing others desire it. It’s the psychology of contagion, and while it often fuels trends and social learning, it can also spark competition and envy.

Mimesis as a positive amplifier

Mimesis isn’t inherently bad or good—it’s an intensifier. When placed in the right context, it can heighten joy and connection. Group singing, shared learning, and team play work precisely because our mirror neurons fire in sync. Each person’s enjoyment amplifies everyone else’s, creating a resonance loop of motivation and positive emotion. This is “mimesis at its best”—a biological design for community, learning, and shared experiences.

When imitation turns toxic

But the same amplification system can spiral. When social comparison and visibility dominate—on social media, in workplaces, or even among friends—mimesis magnifies rivalry. Instead of sharing joy, people start competing for attention or validation. The internal satisfaction that comes from intrinsic motivation gets replaced by an anxious drive to be admired or to keep up. In this case, mimesis doesn’t enhance motivation; it hijacks it.

Balance: letting the “I” lead

The key, according to the AIM framework, is to keep intrinsic motivation in charge. Freedom means being able to engage in social life without being coerced by it—to enjoy shared experiences without losing your own reasons for doing them. When the “I” leads and mimesis supports, cooperation, creativity, and empathy flourish. When mimesis leads unchecked, rivalry, emptiness, and burnout follow.

The beauty of shared joy

Human beings are wired to connect, and that connection naturally boosts what we love doing. Whether you’re cooking with friends, making music, or playing a team sport, positive mimesis transforms personal enjoyment into collective vitality. It reminds us that while independence keeps us grounded, shared experience makes us feel alive.

In the end, mimesis is the volume dial of human motivation—it can turn up the music of joy or the noise of competition. What matters is who’s conducting the orchestra.^1

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