Understanding Your Motivations
Even as a hypothesis, AIM offers a useful lens for understanding yourself and your relationships.
The Three Questions
When you want something, ask:
1️⃣ Is my body telling me I need this? (Appetite)
- • Am I hungry, tired, cold, uncomfortable?
- • Will satisfying this need make the wanting go away?
- • Is this a recurring cycle?
2️⃣ Do I genuinely enjoy the process? (Intrinsic)
- • Would I want this even if no one knew about it?
- • Is the activity itself rewarding, not just the outcome?
- • Do I lose track of time when I do this?
3️⃣ Am I wanting this because others have/want it? (Mimetic)
- • Did I notice this because someone else was pursuing it?
- • Does the visibility or status matter to me?
- • Would I stop wanting it if it became uncool or common?
Most wants involve multiple sources. The key is knowing which is driving you.
Applying AIM to Your Life
💼 In Your Career
Intrinsic Signs:
- • You'd do this work even if paid less
- • You get into flow states
- • You care about craft and mastery
- • Private satisfaction matters most
Mimetic Signs:
- • Title and status drive your choices
- • You compare yourself to peers constantly
- • Prestige of company/role matters greatly
- • Recognition is primary motivator
Test: “Would I want this promotion if it meant more bureaucracy and less actual work I enjoy?”
❤️ In Relationships
Intrinsic Signs:
- • You enjoy their company privately
- • You'd want to be with them even if no one knew
- • You feel energized, not drained
- • You appreciate them for who they are
Mimetic Signs:
- • You want to be seen with them
- • Their status or attractiveness matters most
- • You compare them to others constantly
- • You're more interested in what others think
Test: “Would I still want this relationship if it had to be completely private?”
🛍️ In Purchases
Intrinsic Signs:
- • You care about quality and functionality
- • You'd buy it even if no one saw it
- • You research features and reviews
- • You use it regularly and get value
Mimetic Signs:
- • You want the latest/best version
- • Brand name matters more than function
- • You buy to impress others
- • You rarely use it after buying
Test: “Would I buy this if I could never show it to anyone?”
When Mimetic Desire Becomes Problematic
Healthy Mimesis
- • Learning from role models
- • Cultural transmission
- • Healthy aspiration
- • Social learning and adaptation
Unhealthy Mimesis
- • Rivalry and resentment
- • Never-ending comparison
- • Losing intrinsic aims
- • Status anxiety and burnout
Warning Signs
- □ Constantly comparing yourself to others
- □ Resentment toward successful peers
- □ Can't enjoy achievements
- □ Changing goals based on prestige
- □ Feeling hollow after status wins
- □ Chronic dissatisfaction despite success
- □ Losing interest in activities you used to love
- □ Anxiety about falling behind
Relationships & Rivalry
AIM suggests that mimetic desire can create rivalry when two people want the same thing for status reasons. This can damage relationships and create unnecessary competition.
Recognizing Rivalry
- • You feel competitive about the same goals
- • You resent their success in your field
- • You compare your progress to theirs
- • You feel threatened by their achievements
Healthy Alternatives
- • Focus on your own intrinsic motivations
- • Celebrate others' success genuinely
- • Collaborate instead of competing
- • Find your unique path and purpose
Remember: If you're both pursuing something for intrinsic reasons, there's generally no rivalry—you can both succeed - even if it means sharing a tool. Rivalry mostly exists when you're competing for status, recognition or you simply want to beat someone you see as your rival.